A boss announces to his staffs, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if anyone find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”
Singing in shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it’s just a soap opera.
Cassettes had side A and side B, therefore it was kind of logical its successor is CD.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side.
What should we call an American bee? A USB.
Where do you bring horses that are sick? To the horsepital.
When a short person waves at you, it should be called a microwave.
Today I brought a pizza with me on the bus.
The driver said, “Hey that is not a restaurant here.”
I said, “I know, that’s why I brought my own food.”
Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?”
“No..” replies the wife, “He was just trying to tell you he isn’t our son.”
Boy: Has anyone told you you’re beautiful today?
Girl: Awww… Actually no, and you’re the firs…
Boy: Well, there’s always tomorrow.